So I had a lot of haters and harassers because of my 'fame' in school or everywhere(I think).
Like everyday when I go to school,I am always afraid that people will start popping up and say bad things about you,like I always heard most of these insults from my haters:'Eeeee!So geli!' and 'U're fat,u're ugly'.
But if u have the same been throughs like me,like ur family doesn't support you,being bullied in school or anywhere,harassments through social media or everyday life.Then u maybe wanna read this...
So I was little,like 3 or 4,I stared to go to kindergarten pre-school,and I was being called 'Fat'.So I mostly only have friends who are boys.Which I was kinda bitchy since that time till I was 13 years old.Cause I have no support through family or anybody who can be there when I need somebody.And how I make myself feel better is to go and try to make friends,but that time I don't know how to actually make real friends.
So I keep having crushes on boys,and guess what?I'm the only girl who only have guts to confess to boys who I like...
Hahaha,I'm weird,but good weird.Cause I have guts.
But then again,rejected.Except my ex...He was just living next to my house,he was a very good boyfriend.But he changed...And we just broke up recently,like 6th of April this month.
So,I moved on.I kept blaming myself to choose a wrong guy and keep forgiving him,keep caring abt him, keep trying to get close to him...But he never...
Haha..What's the point?He's gone..no one will be there for me ever alr... And I would never get married,cause of my parent's divorce and the things happen between them affected my mental thoughts...
So,I am feared of marriage and stuff like that.So I would never accept any guy's confesses or what so ever...
It hurts...Only those who been through breaks up which is almost the same as I've been through will only know how it feels...
But then again,I have no support from anyone.And I also lost trust for everyone,especially people from my school.Like if u tell them u're secrets or things.They'll spread them like fire,just in 1 recess for 20 minutes and the whole school knows.Pretty 'amazing' huh?
I also don't really have any friends,except for a few who I feel that I can talked to...even though some of their personality I don't really like.But they're still friends to me...
I've been losing my own privacy in school too,like they would checked ur bag when u're going to the cafeteria or toilet.Only 2 minutes and they finished checking ur whole bag alr... 'Magnificent' am I right?
So,I kept my head high.And almost most of the times I have never bow for anyone.But if I fall,I fall beautifully.That is why I loved modeling,it's the same with life's morals...
Modeling...is just something that I am affectionately attracted and can never let go of it...
Plus,my pressure for my studies.I know I will no longer survive in my Chinese Independant school.Cause I am Form 3,which is called 10th grade by overseas...So I need backup first if I don't make it to Form 4 next year. My country has an...kinda odd law...When u graduated by Form 5 or Form 6,u must go for another class so that u could ONLY go to a university.Like must take pre-university for maybe 2 years or whatever....And I don't wanna waste my time just to study like this...
So,u know what this means,I will maybe move or go overseas in order to finish high school till I was 17.
However,I am currently studying in an Chinese Independant school,which is everything's in Chinese,textbooks,spoken languages,all in Chinese.Except if u wanna communicate with workers...Then u wanna use Malay to communicate...
And if I go overseas,I have to know the basics of overseas' high school mathematics curriculum,which is in English,mostly...I think...not sure...
And I am not used to overseas' high school teaching methods...What should I do? I am not gonna study and waste my time here for another year...
So far,I am planning to go to New Zealand to study in a high school which only have Fashion design classes.Not sure if New Zealand has it or not...
And if I really going there,how will I be treated? The same as I was treated here?Or treated worse?
I am sure that I was going to be treated WORSE,cause...it's a high school thing...not sure why everybody needs to be like that...
Back to the topic,it's almost like wherever I went,I'll get stared or being harass by others.So I am not very outgoing since I was being treated like that.
But whatever happens,I am the only one who has to be responsible of every actions of mine.So gonna keep my head high,and don't fall.
If I really fall,I'll try to fall beautifully and stand up,chin up again.And walk the world like an everyday runway.
I can walk like a guy,and a woman too.I have my own styles and many personalities.So my expressions is kinda,a lot... :P
Blah,the whole point here,is just to give a fuck,then put ur head high and walk away.Just turn a cheek to them.Show ur maturity,not ur child side.Okay?
Will update more thing abt my life very soon...Or maybe after 1 day :P
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